This story is balls, thanks for the jump drive AND NOTHING.
ALRIGHT LET’S KILL SOME PIRATES.
Where are some pirates.
Where are any pirates.
Where is one pirate.
These pirates are too strong.
AHA PIRATES
SUCK ON THAT, PIRATES
Where are more pirates.
Wheeere aaaaare…
I guess I’ll check pirate-controlled space.
These are too many pirates.
THESE ARE TOO MANY PIRATES.
WHY SO MANY MISSILES.
I’M SORRY I JUST WANTED TO SHOOT PIRATES.
I JUST WANTED-
WHY.
TOO MANY.
TOO-
STOP.
TOO MANY PIRATES.
…
Those were too many pirates.
The Land of Too Many Pirates.
Maybe I’ll do another story mission.

And the hour I just experienced in X3 Reunion:

Man maybe I could be a pirate.
Yeah, fuck the Paranid, I’m a fucking pirate.
DO WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE.
FUCK YES I CAPTURED A HAULER
It goes about six times slower than I’m used to but whatever I’ll just park it-
XENON INVADERS
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
GO
MAN THERE ARE LIKE EIGHT OF THEM JUST GO
FASTER
ARE YOU EVEN MOVING
WHY DOES NOBODY CARE THAT I AM BEING MUGGED BY THE SCOURGE OF THE UNIVERSE. YOU HAVE LASERS, I CAN SEE THEM.
Alright we barely made it to the station, let’s wait out those invaders.
…
Let’s wait them out.
…
Waiting.
…
…
Maybe I should go try and-
FUCK YES THEY ARE CHASING A DIFFERENT HAULER QUICK THROUGH THE PORTAL
QUICK
QUICK GO
GO FUCKING
GO WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
FUCK THEY’RE COMING BACK, GO
Alright we’re through-
THEY FOLLOWED US OH FUCK JUST GO
GO GO GO GO GO
ALRIGHT WE’RE AT THIS STATION NOW I GUESS THAT’S COOL
Oh god dammit they’re fighting the local militia and they’re winning.
GUESS I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I AM SUCH A SPACE COWBOY
HERE COMES CAPTAIN AWESO-
FUCK FUCK STOP SHOOTING ME FUCK
GIANT GREEN LASERS WHY DID I SHOOT THE ONE THAT HAS GIANT GREEN LASERS
Fuck this I’ve taken too much damage, I’ll just reload-
I just captured a Xenon fighter.
Xenon fighters are pretty good, I bet this sells for a lot.
…
It’s slower than the hauler.
fffffffff

~fin

After successfully predicting the third place match, I suppose I seem a little less irrelevant even with my 0-2 record from the semi-finals. This final match seemed cut and dry at the time, but since then I’ve started to wonder…

Flash(T) versus Berserker(T): After Berserker beat Effort in the semi-finals I thought, “That’s it. Flash has won season 3. If Flash had any chance of losing, it was against a Zerg of Effort’s calibur.” I mean, Flash’s versus Terran ratio is 70% right now. Out of the last ten games he’s played against Terrans? He’s won ten. It seems like a no-brainer.
However, Berserker’s versus Terran isn’t low, by any means. Around 57%, and keeping in mind how long he’s been at this and how his game has not always been in top form, he might not be such a pushover. In the last ten games versus Terran he’s won seven — it’s not ten, but it is seven.

Talking in less abstraction, Flash has ridiculous macro and Berserker is aggressive and creative. If Flash insists on going Command Center on the 14th worker, Berserker is going to punish him for it every time. If he doesn’t punish Flash for it, or if Flash manages to make it to the late game with a less risky (cheesy?) build, it should be curtains for Berserker.
Who has Berserker beaten recently? Effort, Bisu, Hwasin.
Who has Flash beaten recently? Effort, July… Firebathero? And Berserker.

My point being, lately Bersrker has been facing some stiff competition and showing that he’s ready to shine again. He wants the gold he never got, and he’s willing to go through someone of Flash’s and Bisu’s skill to do it. Since everyone’s probably seen it by now, that game he had against Bisu? A best of five in the MSL quarterfinals. Flash isn’t even in the MSL, nor OSL.
On the other hand, just because Flash hasn’t been taking on the big names doesn’t mean he isn’t still capable of beating them. I don’t think he’s anywhere near as imposing as he was back when he was the unstoppable Terran warmachine, but he’s getting close again. He needs this gold medal to stay relevant, and he’s got the numbers to back him up.

So on paper, in theory, using my brain, it seems like Flash has this. I don’t even think it’ll be close, it might go 3-1.
But in my heart, Berserker’s got a fighting chance. He might only take it 3-2, but he could take it.
PREDICTION: FLASH
I WOULD PREFER: BERSERRRRRKERRRRRR MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK

Player records viewed at the Team Liquid Player Database: http://www.teamliquid.net/tlpd/players/

This ain't your grandaddy's Axis And Allies.

Tuesday, August 4th, Hearts of Iron III will be released in the US and Europe (SORRY AUSTRALIA, YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER MONTH) and several more days worth of my life will be devoured by the need to conquer (parts of) the world.

In the Hearts of Iron series, you control any country (ANY GODDAMN COUNTRY) from 1936 to whenever the version you’re playing stops at. The final expansion of the second installment let you take a bite into the Cold War period (somewhere in the early-to-mid 60s). You control technology, production, democracy, troop movements (though not actual combat), supply routes, et cetera. It’s a lot to take in at first, but I still wanted more when I got used to it.
As a World War 2 simulator you would think the main draw is to play as the Allies or the Axis powers, and maybe for most people it is, but I find the most entertaining games come from medium-sized countries with enough inustrial capacity to allow for a viable gameplay experience while not having quite enough to contend with a “first world” country. It also helps when I can come up with an enjoyable long-term goal to achieve along the way, the best of which have been:

• As Brazil, conquered South America.
• As Canada, attempted to nuke America. (Can’t drop out of the Allies to nuke them; revised plan must take this into account.)
• As Mexico, prepared to invade America. (Might have actually worked, but forgot to get back to the game the next day. A vast majority of their energy is in the east, a swift blitzkrieg could have crippled them.)
• As Sweden, help the AI conquer Russia as Germany.

So what are we paying forty US dollars for in Hearts of Iron 3? Most notably, approximately four times as many provinces — the “tiles” your units traverse — which not only means more tactics and strategery, but also that it will no longer take three goddamn months to move that unit across a massive, unrefined province of Africa. Unless, of course, Africa’s provinces are generally untouched and I am about to get trolled into the stratosphere.

The technology trees have been expanded, governmental types have been sorted into a tri-direction system based on the three central factions (Allies, Axis, Comintern), a blessing of a units table has been incorporated into the production screen, and what else? I can’t possibly recite all of the advancements to you, nor will I bother to: here are two halves of a Q&A session hosted on GameTrailers, and hosted by the producer Johan Andersson who just, honestly, has a fantastic accent.

AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT
KRONOTROSS OUT
PS
BUILD -> INDUSTRY

Well I missed out on both of my semi-final predictions, so for this third place and then the grand final, we’ve obviously stepped beyond the pale where the physical realm no longer holds corporeal weight. Here is the land of unicorns and stardust, where even July can lose miserably 0-3 against a less-than-prime Flash during the month of his namesake.

July(Z) versus Effort(Z): Both of these competitors, in my humble opinion, vastly underperformed to expectations in their matches against Flash and Berserker respectively. Without delving into a cavernous expanse of speculation as to why neither of them managed to pick a single game off their opponents, I’ll continue this prediction as if the last two weeks had never happened.
Alright, both of these guys are to be feared in the realm of combat in general, July from ages long past where he, as the God of War, crushed countless skulls, returning now from darkened, slumpish days to reclaim his place in the world. Effort is a legend killer here to make a name for himself, not so fresh as to be out of the gates, but still unaccomplished enough to want these accolades. (Even if it is just a bronze medal)
To me, the dividing factor is Effort’s ridiculous ZvZ ratio, briefly outshining even the mighty Jaedong several weeks back. And let’s not forget that in the round of eight, the opponent he overcame was the mighty Jaedong — albeit his might diminished in the fatigue of daily matches and his single-handedly holding up the Hwaseung Oz team.
July’s no slouch in ZvZ, and his 50+ ratio is taking his lenghty slump into account, but I have to give the edge to Effort.
I don’t think they’ve ever played each other before save their series in this cycle’s OSL which I would rather not spoil for myself by looking up, not for you by bringing it up. If you know the results for that best of three, you may already know how this one could go.
PREDICTION: EFFORT
I WOULD PREFER: EFFORT

Player records viewed at the Team Liquid Player Database: http://www.teamliquid.net/tlpd/players/

Here we are, on the doorstep of the Season 3 finals. In a few weeks’ time, we’ll witness a showdown between Flash or July and Berserker or Effort. In the round of 8, three of my four predictions came true, but Jaedong — of all the matches to whiff on — got shut out during his display of less-than-Jaedong level control. I don’t want to take anything away from Effort, who I will continue to root for, but he definitely did not face Jaedong’s final form, and I worry about whether the Dong’s hectic schedule is finally getting the best of him.
In any case, the semi-final bouts:

Flash(T) versus July(Z): This is a really hard match to call, as Flash is currently on a downward trend while July continues to enjoy an upward trend, and where they meet in the middle is anyone’s guess. Much like Jaedong’s versus Protoss and Bisu’s versus Terran, Flash’s versus Zerg is his “weak” spot, which is to say it’s only above 60% and not 65 or 70. July’s statistics contribute little substantial to the conversation, his versus Terran hovering around 50, and this is partly because he’s been around for so long, having survived a sizable slump.
Though if the statistics say anything, the caliber of players involved negate the assurances they sometimes provide.
The standard conversation in regards to Flash contains the statement that to beat him you have to take him out early and hard, which is something July’s aggression would be completely at home doing. On the other hand, July is formidable in all stages of the game, but if the game drags out too long Flash will let some of that Terminator Terran shine through and July’s chances will plummet.
Like I said before, there’s no obvious answer to this match, and no matter which way it goes it will definitely be entertaining. If I have to make a decision, I tip the scales ever so slightly in July’s favor, just from the position of his rising and Flash’s falling records and morale. Like Superdanielman said, it is July’s month.
PREDICTION: JULY?
I WOULD PREFER: JULY

Berserker(T) versus Effort(Z): Before last Saturday, I would have said this was close but ultimately in Berserker’s favor. After Effort’s match with Jaedong, I really can’t comfortably make that assertion anymore. Jaedong may have left himself open, but only a contender like Effort could have taken advantage of that opening in a Zerg versus Zerg match, of all matches.
Berserker (before as Iris) has always been around for some time, but has never really made it into the upper echelons of players, has never had a championship, and has only recently resurfaced with the skills to threaten people like Flash, July, or Effort. In fact, looking back over the past half year of play, he doesn’t have any victories against the best of the best aside from a win against Leta. In only the last two months, Effort has victories against Flash, Jaedong, Stork, and ForGG (Never).  Effort is knocking down the door to the S class of players, and it could be argued he’s already making himself at home.
Really, if you consider a finals match of Berserker against Flash or July, he wouldn’t be favored in either match-up. Effort would be, if not favored, at least on par with either competitor, and one can extrapolate those sentiments back to this match.
PREDICTION: EFFORT
I WOULD PREFER: BERSERRRRKERRRRRRR

Player records viewed at the Team Liquid Player Database: http://www.teamliquid.net/tlpd/players/

This week we begin the round of 8,  and of the 8 predictions I made at the beginning of the round of 16, 6 came true. Shuttle beat Hwasin in a close match I essentially guessed at, and Mensol was defeated by Tempest in a series that, personally, didn’t impress me all that much. It seemed more like Mensol beat himself, rather than Tempest besting him. In any case, the quarterfinal matches:

Flash(T) versus Shuttle(P): Flash may be in a shaky dimension between champ and chump, but he’s still got more skill than Hwasin, of all people, and Shuttle did not shut him down with enough breathing room left over for me to favor him against Flash. Shuttle’s history against Terran doesn’t even seem to break the 50% mark, meanwhile one of Flash’s primary claims to fame is shutting down Stork in two back-to-back championship matches. He is the reason Carrier strategies no longer dominate Protoss versus Terran, and I don’t know how Shuttle will answer that sort of challenge.
But this won’t be the first time I’ve underestimated him.
PREDICTION: FLASH
I WOULD PREFER: FLASH?

Skyhigh(T) versus July(Z): Now here is a classic story of new blood taking on the old guard. July is the god of war, a decorated champion having thrust himself back into the limelight after a lengthy slump, and Skyhigh is a fresh face beating down the door to the S class lounge. Regardless of the victor, this is sure to be a clash of titans, and perhaps a path directly to the finals after taking care of either Berserker or Tempest.
If you look at the tale of the tape, Skyhigh’s Zerg record beats out July’s Terran record, but with the paltry number of games Skyhigh as played and the sky-rendering abilities of these two, it’s not nearly enough of an advantage to properly consider. Maybe I’m just swaying with personal opinion, but I’ve got to think July’s experience will be the deciding factor here.
PREDICTION: JULY?
I WOULD PREFER: JULY

Jaedong(Z) versus Effort(Z): For once I will not preface a Jaedong match with “LOL”, though I am still tempted. Don’t get me wrong, Effort is easily the heir to the throne of top Zerg — right up there with Luxury — but Jaedong’s record against Zerg is over 80%. I’ll just let that sink in, throughought the entirety of Jaedong’s career, from his younger days through the hundreds of Starcraft games he has played, he has won 4 out of 5 Zerg matches where most people think 3 out of 5 is awe-inspiring.
What is Effort’s record? About 67% after 28 games, not Jaedong-level impressive, but impressive none the less. And what’s this? The last time Jaedong lost to a Zerg, it was Effort, but one of the last Zergs Effort lost to was Jaedong. It’s the sort of thing that gives you pause, and makes you wonder how invulnerable Jaedong ultimately is. There is a definite opening for him to fall in the one match-up he is the undeniable king of…
And then there’s 80%. LOL.
PREDICTION: JAEDONG
I WOULD PREFER: JAEDONG

Berserker(T) versus Tempest(P): Tempest, Tempest, Tempest. No matter how many times I write you off, you still manage to defy the odds and eliminate one of my favorites. Last season it was Jaedong, this season it was Zero, and neither time do I think you had that much to do with it. I would bring up the fact that his versus Terran record is below 50%, but his versus Zerg record was and that didn’t change a thing. This match is in Berserker’s overly aggressive hands; it is his game to win and his game to overextend himself in and become the latest victum to this fluke.
PREDICTION: BERSERKERRRRR
I WOULD PREFER: BERSERRRRKERRRRRR

Player records viewed at the Team Liquid Player Database: http://www.teamliquid.net/tlpd/players/

This week we begin the round of 16, and of the 16 predictions I made at the beginning of the round of 32, 13 came true. Of the three I missed, MVP beat Shine in a TvT of nobodies I didn’t think much of, Violet beat Luxury in what I would describe as an upset, and Much beat Falcon, avenging the Panda Bear Guy and moving on to face Jaedong in this round. So without further ado:

Flash(T) versus Hoejja(P): Hoejja is still a relatively new player, and although I think he has a lot of potential and I would love to see him beat the Terminator here in the round of 16… ultimately, I just don’t think he’ll make it. He’s good, but he isn’t S class yet.

PREDICTION: FLASH
I WOULD PREFER: HOEJJA

Shuttle(P) versus Hwasin(T): Shuttle is the sort of player I only ever see doing well at GOM, but he has made it far in the past. Hwasin, on the other hand, is a reliably A class player with a lot more experience under his belt; if I had to give in edge in this match, I’d give it to Hwasin.
PREDICTION: HWASIN
I WOULD PREFER: HWASIN?

Jaedong(Z) versus Much(P): LOL. But seriously this time, Much isn’t a nobody like Jjonga was last round, and if there’s any match-up to eliminate Jaedong in, it’s going to be Protoss. Jaedong has said in the past that he would purposefully kill the Panda Bear Guy and go on to win the tournament just to prove Tasteless’ myth wrong, and Much has already shown himself an ally to the panda, both of them existing since before the dawn of time. Ultimately, Jaedong is Jaedong and Much is just an aging player who never did much. (LOL GET IT HIS NAME IS MUCH)
PREDICTION: JAEDONG
I WOULD PREFER: JAEDONG

Violet(P) versus Effort(Z): Now this is a strange position to be in, because both of these guys are new, rising stars, and Violet is another guy — like Shuttle — who I don’t really see outside of GOM. If the round of 32 had never happened, I would just side with Effort and say Violet was still struggling in obscurity, but last round he managed to defeat Luxury, the number two Zerg in the world behind Jaedong. To side with Effort here is to suggest that he’s better than Luxury, and yet at the same time I really like Effort and remain unconvinced of Violet’s reliability in perfomance. Both of these guys appear to be respectable in the appropriate match-ups (Effort v P and Violet v Z) so I suppose I’ll just take that risk and side with Effort, though it is far from a certainty.
PREDICTION: EFFORT?
I WOULD PREFER: EFFORT

Baby(T) versus Skyhigh(T): Baby has somehow managed to get really good really quickly, and Skyhigh is also in the midst of a rise, though I would describe his as more meteoric. Honestly, I would suggest Skyhigh as brushing up against S class play while Baby — although he did somehow manage to beat Jangbi in an earlier round — is still only showing A class play at best. It could theoretically go the other way, but I think ultimately Skyhigh is the better Terran of the two.
PREDICTION: SKYHIGH
I WOULD PREFER: BABY?

Goojila(P) versus July(Z): Now this is a high-quality match-up which I am loathe to make a call on. Both of these guys are monsters, with Goojila (secretly Kal) referred to as one of the “Six Dragons” of the Protoss, while July is just an otherworldly beast from the depths of the Overmind, and he apparently has an almost 70% win rate against Protoss. July is also a far more experienced player, having come back from a great slump after a previously great stay at the top. Ultimately, it should happen that July overpowers Kal, getting that much closer to the finals, but it may not turn out the way I’ve planned.
PREDICTION: JULY
I WOULD PREFER: JULY

MVP(T) versus Berserker(T): MVP is apparently the Terran who took out Stork, and I’m really at a loss to explain how. It’s probably better to just place the blame on Stork Storking himself, though he managed to do it quite a few rounds early this time. Maybe the database stats are out of date, but I’m not coming up with very many games under MVP’s belt at all, meanwhile Berserker is an experienced, bloodthirsty player WHOSE LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK.
PREDICTION: BERSERKERRRRRR
I WOULD PREFER: SOME MAKING FUCK, BERSERKERRRRR.

Tempest(P) versus Mensol(Z): Tempest would be a relative nobody except that he managed to eliminate Jaedong in Season 2, and Mensol would be a relative nobody except that he is secretly another rising star of the Zerg world, Zero. While I suppose I am opening myself up for a surprise, I’m going to go ahead with the assumption that the Jaedong victory was a fluke, and Tempest is really just the relative nobody that one would expect, while Zero continues to impress with a solid win here.
PREDICTION: MENSOL
I WOULD PREFER: ZEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Player records viewed at the Team Liquid Player Database: http://www.teamliquid.net/tlpd/players/

You are not prepared, dood!

Over the past week I’ve battled the curious anti-fun nurtured by my 20 unit semesters with Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero? for the Playstation Portable. Miraculously, through a thick fog of funk, I found myself actually caring about my crushing defeats, and experiencing tangible frustration — both wth the game itself and my broken square button; of all the buttons that could be sticking, why the one you tap to attack?

Prinny is a 2D sidescrolling action game wherein a bescarfed Prinny is tasked with assembling the legendary Ultra Dessert for Etna by besting a variety of demons and their assorted minions. Obviously, between this outlandish task, the boss fight banter, and the Chefbot 9000, the quirky Disgaea humor is strong with this one, and any fan of the series will be thoroughly entertained, especially with the secret alternate story.

Your prinny is capable of a double jump, a butt stomp, a finicky dash, and slashing attacks that lean heavily on your ability to tap the square button like a madman. Between these rudimentary techniques, you must traverse ten levels — each with a boss fight — without snapping your PSP over your knee in frustration. If you manage to lose all 1000 lives the game gives you (it only took me 202 to beat it) my sources tell me you are pitied upon with Etna’s Prinny Raid skill, but it drains your remaining lives and is thus a desperation attack even then.

If he is on the last boss, this is about two seconds before he throws himself at his PSP, engulfing them both in a furious self-righteous explosion. Dood.

Of course, given the nature of Disgaea, after you beat the game you are still tasked with hours of additional gameplay to unlock the deepest secrets I’ve never had time for. Finding 100 of the 120 Lucky Dolls will net you a battle with Etna, for example, and an entire alternate storyline with new stages, boss fights, and dialogue remains for those tricksy enough to solve all ten jumping puzzles at the home base.

Ultimately it was an enjoyable experience, possibly even worth owning, if not worth paying full price for. If you’re man enough to navigate the murderous levels, if you’re quirky enough to enjoy the humor (yes, the designers noticed that the Chefbot’s model level is at nine-thousand), or if you’re a devoted enough Disgaea fan to move outside the Strategy RPG genre, you’ll find a worthwhile experience in Prinny.

I don’t really want to waste brain cycles developing a rating system and aggregate algorithm so I think I’ll just throw numbers at you:

Graphics: 8
Button Tapping: 10
Gameplay: 7
Humor: 8
Dood: 10
Sound: I don’t know it sounds nice I guess.
Story: 6
Boss Fights: 8
Seedy Internet Underworld Humor: 10
Voice Acting: 7
Ninjas: 9
Downloadable Content: 8 (a few additional stages, one containing Flonne)
Prinnies: 1000
Anti-Button Tapping: 1
Desserts: 10
Jumping Puzzles: 8
Innovation: 4
Japan: 9
Bolivia: 1
Sweden: 6
Jumping: 7
Casuals: 3
Hardcores: 9
Fairweathers: 4
Super Hardcores: 8
Part-Timers: 8
Grandma: 2
Internet: 8
Sexy Time: 3

TOTAL: 12.75 out of 17

This is level 1. Trust me, dood, this is nowhere near what you'll be putting up with.

All images from the NIS website: www.nisamerica.com

The way it works is you fill a queue (MOR LIEK A “Q” GET IT) and they do their best to send you your first, if not second, if not third, if not array[i]; i++;. Of the 2000 games I browsed I decided on about sixteen that were in various stages of want, lukewarm interest, and apathy that took more than two seconds to manifest. The list was then organized as followed:

1. Infamous: I wanted to start renting again when I didn’t think this was worth buying anyway.
2. Ghostbusters: You can put games that haven’t come out yet, and why not? I could use some more Bill Murray in my life.
3. Blazblue: The character design is definitely inferior to Guilty Gear, but I’m sure I’ll find someone to use. Otherwise a sharp-looking 2D fighter.
4. Red Faction Guerilla: I missed the other Red Faction game, so maybe it was better, but realistically destructible buildings is a form of sandbox nirvana.
5. Grand Theft Auto 4: I wouldn’t call myself a GTA “fan”, but I’ve played my share of them, and this one should be worth the time spent.
6. Guitar Hero Metallica: I can’t reconcile buying this if my younger brother owns it on the Wii just out in the living room, even though the second rate guitar he owns makes iron maidens look comfortable.
7. Onimusha: I own the first game in the “new series” of Onimusha, but I understand the original trilogy to be a more respectable title.
8. We Love Katamari: I forget what my friend Iowa said about this one. Better gameplay and worse humor? Ka ta ma ri da ma cy…
9. Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero?: I’ve got the first three Disgaea games, so I can appreciate the adventure of a Prinny’s life, dood!
10. DBZ Budokai Tenkaichi 3: I never got anywhere in 2 because it was too much like 1, but now that I can’t find 2 I think it’s been long enough for me to play through it, so hopefully 3 is enough like 2 to replace it.
11. Star Wars Battlefront 2: I have only the vaguest recollections of positive recommendations, which is enough to clock it in at number 11.
12. Jeanne D’Arc: A PSP tile-based RPG, I doubt it will be the Holy Grail of the genre, but I could use a solid specimen. Hopefully the paper-rock-scissors relationship they have invariably included is not so powerful as to overpower the individuality of the units.
13. Star Wars The Force Unleashed: I heard this was repetitive and lackluster, but the demo was nice, and maybe I could stand playing what amounts to the demo repeatedly for six hours.
14. Rise of the Argonauts: Another title I had so looked forward to before it turned out an underwhelming tangle of walking, talking, and not enough hitting things with maces.
15. Mercenaries 2: Honestly maybe I should bump this up a few spots, because the first game was acceptable if repetitive. With all the new content the sequel is supposed to offer, it should be worth more than two underperforming action games.
16. Crisis Core: Final Fantasy 7: I sort of want to know what they did to the plotline of Final Fantasy 7, but at the same time I dislike Action RPGs with such a tangible fury; with the title down this far on the list it should only ever arrive when I have exhausted all avenues of entertainment and am left gasping for buttons to press.

Later on that day I check to see that they have shipped me Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero. What? Games have an availability stat that is described as High 75+%, Medium 50+%, Low 25+%, or Now which is presumably 100%. Above Prinny I had two Highs, two Mediums, one Low, and three future releases, so the probability of them sending it should have been somewhere in the realm of 1.171875% at the highest.

In any case, uh, I guess you can expect an article about Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero? in the following week?

Dood.

I will be providing comprehensive reviews of each of these games as I play through them one more time.  If you have any questions, thoughts, or flames to my reviews, feel free to do so.

Final Fantasy 1 (1987 *1990*) [NES] {Japan *US*} 
***THE*** greatest Final Fantasy ever created.  While it lacks futuristic cinematography and sports midi file music, its story and replayability are second-to-none.  You’re assigned four characters and you select from the six classes to go on your journey — the journey to restore the four orbs of fire, earth, water, and air — to their former glory, then destroy the evil Chaos.  It’s difficulty is flexible depending on how you choose your classes and it’s diverse class system allows for multiple play styles and high replay value.  Many argue this fact, but most admit to playing the remake version which is grossly reduced in difficulty and changes so many factors in the game that it is almost impossible to not win.  As popular as some of the “sequels” to this game are, I don’t believe people give the due respect to this classic game.   

Final Fantasy 2 (1988) [NES] {Japan}
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy 3 (1990 *2006*) [NES *DS*] {Japan *US*}
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy 4 *Final Fantasy 2* (1991) [SNES] {Japan *US*}
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy 5 (1992) [SNES] {Japan}
Review pending.

Final Fantasy 6 *Final Fantasy 3* (1994) [SNES] {Japan *US*}
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy 7 (1997) [Playstation]
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy 8 (1999) [Playstation]
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy 9 (2000) [Playstation, Playstation 2]
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy X (2001) [Playstation 2]
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy X-2 (2003) [Playstation 2]
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy XI (2002) [Playstation 2, XBOX 360, PC]
Review coming soon.

Final Fantasy XII (2006) [Playstation 2]
Review coming soon.