VIDEO GAMES

A summary of my first twenty hours in X3: Reunion:

This story is balls, thanks for the jump drive AND NOTHING.
ALRIGHT LET’S KILL SOME PIRATES.
Where are some pirates.
Where are any pirates.
Where is one pirate.
These pirates are too strong.
AHA PIRATES
SUCK ON THAT, PIRATES
Where are more pirates.
Wheeere aaaaare…
I guess I’ll check pirate-controlled space.
These are too many pirates.
THESE ARE TOO MANY PIRATES.
WHY SO MANY MISSILES.
I’M SORRY I JUST WANTED TO SHOOT PIRATES.
I JUST WANTED-
WHY.
TOO MANY.
TOO-
STOP.
TOO MANY PIRATES.
…
Those were too many pirates.
The Land of Too Many Pirates.
Maybe I’ll do another story mission.

And the hour I just experienced in X3 Reunion:

Man maybe I could be a pirate.
Yeah, fuck the Paranid, I’m a fucking pirate.
DO WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE.
FUCK YES I CAPTURED A HAULER
It goes about six times slower than I’m used to but whatever I’ll just park it-
XENON INVADERS
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
GO
MAN THERE ARE LIKE EIGHT OF THEM JUST GO
FASTER
ARE YOU EVEN MOVING
WHY DOES NOBODY CARE THAT I AM BEING MUGGED BY THE SCOURGE OF THE UNIVERSE. YOU HAVE LASERS, I CAN SEE THEM.
Alright we barely made it to the station, let’s wait out those invaders.
…
Let’s wait them out.
…
Waiting.
…
…
Maybe I should go try and-
FUCK YES THEY ARE CHASING A DIFFERENT HAULER QUICK THROUGH THE PORTAL
QUICK
QUICK GO
GO FUCKING
GO WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
FUCK THEY’RE COMING BACK, GO
Alright we’re through-
THEY FOLLOWED US OH FUCK JUST GO
GO GO GO GO GO
ALRIGHT WE’RE AT THIS STATION NOW I GUESS THAT’S COOL
Oh god dammit they’re fighting the local militia and they’re winning.
GUESS I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I AM SUCH A SPACE COWBOY
HERE COMES CAPTAIN AWESO-
FUCK FUCK STOP SHOOTING ME FUCK
GIANT GREEN LASERS WHY DID I SHOOT THE ONE THAT HAS GIANT GREEN LASERS
Fuck this I’ve taken too much damage, I’ll just reload-
I just captured a Xenon fighter.
Xenon fighters are pretty good, I bet this sells for a lot.
…
It’s slower than the hauler.
fffffffff

~fin